Have you ever had to start over? You know, where you just feel like you’re getting settled in, and now you’re off to a new place to start all over again? Has this happened multiple times in your life, where moving and starting over has become more of the norm than having roots planted?
I’ve been there and I know what it’s like being the “new mom on the block.”
This month marks my 10th move in 10 years.
That means every year, for the last 10 years, I have had to start over in one way or another. Sometimes it was just from one house to another, but other times it’s been from one state to another.
However, with each move, a new chapter begins, which requires some type of change:
- Making new friends.
- Learning a new city
- Finding out where I fit in again
- Putting myself out there
- Losing friendships/relationships
- Missing family and friends
- Starting a new career
You’d think I would be a pro at starting over! But the reality is, each time, I’ve found it more difficult. It’s harder because I could put some roots down. I have strong connections and friendships that I don’t want to lose due to time and distance.
But mostly, it’s harder because I am a mom now.
Making the First Move
Since becoming a mother, I have chosen to make purposeful and intentional connections with others. That means putting myself out there and possibly facing rejection.
You’d be surprised: it happens more often than not. But, I do this for not only my sake but for my daughter’s.
It wasn’t always easy to be the one offering a smile to the family playing at the library and then introducing myself and my daughter.
Or sometimes, after seeing a mother and her daughter multiple times at the same stores we frequent, I chose to “ask her out.”
It almost resembles dating, in a way. You see a person you think you’d totally hit it off with, as friends, and you wonder, what if they don’t like me?
What if they say no?
It didn’t become second nature. It is something I practice and work at every day.
Let me tell you. Many have said “no thanks”. Many have not returned the same excitement for meeting a new friend and child’s playmate, but that’s ok. Because for as many that have turned me down, I’ve been blessed with a select few that haven’t.
And those people are what makes this move so incredibly difficult.
These women in my “mom group” are compassionate. Caring. They love hard and work hard in not only their families but in their relationships.
I used to sit in a circle of women who didn’t support one another, that looked at each other purely for advantage and “keeping up with the Jones’.”
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
On the latter side, there have been relationships I have just fallen into. I’ve had to remove myself from these because the friendships were really just like a conveyor belt filled with spite.
I no longer wanted to live there.
By being intentional with putting myself out there, I found friendships and bonds I never imagined. And those friendships I chose to let go of?
I don’t miss them. And I’m sure they don’t miss me either because in the end, we were never compatible to begin with.
It’s Your Turn
So, I encourage you. Evaluate the friendships you have in your life. Do they truly bring you joy? Do they work just as hard in your friendship as you do? If not, consider making changes.
I also encourage you to put yourself out there! Especially if you’re the new mom on the block. If you see someone you think would be the perfect friend, go tell them! Ask them to a park playdate or to grab a coffee.
You never know who could be right around the corner.
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