To My Family: I’m Sorry and Thank You

These past few years have been filled with so much love. The addition of our little one to the family has been a true blessing and has showed us that we are capable of so much more love than we anticipated. This little lady has shown us that we’re closer than we could ever imagine. Being the first granddaughter and niece, it’s pretty safe to say love is abundant around here.

To My Family: I'm Sorry and Thank You

On the other hand, this closeness has also left me more exposed to you and has given me little time to control my vulnerabilities. You have ridden my hormonal roller coaster without being given a warning first. Witnessed when my patience fades. Seen when my emotions, otherwise hiding calmly underneath the surface, decide to get a glimpse of the outside world. Many times, you’ve taken the brunt of it without even asking, without being the culprit.

For this, I’m sorry.

Once my little lady was born, she became my everything. My number one priority at all times, my constant source worry. It was, and frankly still is, all about her.

Unbeknown to me, the side effect of this was neglecting myself. Thoughts of how to better take care of her needs substituted any attempt to take care of myself. I lost track of who I was, who I am, and my value. For so long I was a vessel carrying life, my body was hers and not mine. I just lost track of making myself a priority. You have received my anger, my frustration, my exhaustion, and my release of emotions during this instability.

Again, I’m sorry.

Yet, through this whole time, you have stood by my side. You have still called me to see how I’m doing, to share your day, to ask about mine. You’ve shared your undying support and love for me. We have lived through some tough interactions, but honest and productive conversations have sprung from them. Without asking for any of this, you are still the ones I can always count on. Always.

For this, I thank you.

You are the first ones to notice when I need to be brought back. You’ve witnessed my moments of weakness and have been there to catch me before I fall. Throughout the years, but specially these past few ones, I have known how truly lucky I am to have you in my life. Although you might not be just a drive away, at least two plane rides to be exact, your presence is always with me. I feel your support and love every single day. Without even knowing, you have been my life line.

For that, I thank you.

I promise to take better care of myself. To take the time to balance my emotions and my thoughts, so I can be a better parent, a better wife, a better friend, a better sister, and a better daughter. I promise I won’t lose sight of who I am. Carving out a space to do things that inspire me, strengthen me, and connect me to myself will become a priority.

I won’t lose sight of the end goal – healthy self and relationships – but I know you’ll be right there with a guiding hand if I ever lose my way.


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Paola, originally from Puerto Rico, came to Iowa to study at Iowa state University where Ryan, an Iowa native, won her heart and they’ve been married for five years. They now call Cedar Rapids home and work as landscape designers in North Liberty. They love watching their toddler, Olivia, grow and are excited to see her as a big sister in the Fall of 2019. Paola's hobbies include crafting, running, yoga, baking and anything handmade. She recently opened Pikosa Creations to share her creativity with the world. Her passions include family, kindness, desserts and vacations to the beach.