What It All Means: Reflecting on My Surrogacy Journey

It’s hard to quantify, impossible almost. How could I possibly comprehend the magnitude of this surrogacy?

In the last weeks of my surrogate pregnancy, I was able to travel to Chicago to spend the weekend with the intended parents (IPs) to help them celebrate at the baby shower. Not only did I get to spend some personal time with the IPs, but I also met a number of people from their lives.

People I had never met before came up to me unabashedly and thanked me. Complete strangers teared up as they expressed their gratitude for my role in the lives of the IPs and their baby. I was hugged over and over and over again.

It’s strange to accept compliments for something that has, in a sense, come very easy to me, to be congratulated for something that won’t remain mine.

For the longest time, surrogacy was just a dream.

Like dreaming of traveling to Paris or getting a puppy, I dreamed of giving a deserving couple the gift of life. I researched and plotted. I tried to imagine the look in someone else’s eyes as their baby came into this world. Over and over, I pictured it in my mind, soaking up the residual side effects of my daydreams.

And finally, all the pieces fell into place for this journey to begin. Emotions, while there is an abundance of them, often become misguided and at times forgotten through the tests and appointments and requirements.

What It All Means: The End of My Surrogacy Journey

As a surrogate, it’s incredibly easy to forget EXACTLY what you’re doing.

I’ve told people that I sometimes forget I’m pregnant. And I think it’s because this pregnancy doesn’t come with all the extras. I don’t have to prepare my house or my life for an addition to my family. There aren’t any registries, nurseries or financial planning steps needed along the way. In essence, I basically just live my life while this baby comfortably grows. 

Let’s not forget to mention this pregnancy is the easiest one I’ve been through. How could I not forget I’m pregnant when there’s very little swelling, no headaches or difficulty sleeping, and manageable heartburn? All the third-trimester symptoms I experienced with my first two pregnancies are nowhere to be found, and I’m not mad about it at all.

But because of all that, I forget. I forget just how important my role is in all of this. I forget what this effortless pregnancy means to these two wonderfully deserving people. And not just the IPs, but what this baby means to all the loved ones in their lives as well.

The baby shower helped bring that into perspective. But what does it all mean?

Perhaps all that time I sat imagining the route my journey through surrogacy would take, I didn’t spend enough time contemplating the ripple effect. Yes, I’m giving these IPs their dream, but at the end of the day, it’s not just their dream. It’s their family’s dream as well. It’s their sister’s dream, and their brothers, and cousins, and co-workers, and college roommates. Anyone who genuinely knows and cares for them. This dream belongs to all of them too.

Maybe some concepts are just too big to grasp. No matter how narrowly I focus, I can’t manage to bundle up all the good I’m doing, the sheer size and density of this pregnancy. I’ll probably never be able to grasp every single aspect of this reality at once.

Regardless, I still come to the same conclusion each time. I’m giving an immeasurable, incalculable, life-altering gift to two people who unequivocally deserve it. And at the end of the day, no matter how much else escapes me, that’s the most important thing to remember.

If you are currently or ever have thought about becoming a surrogate, please take the time to visit this website. There are so many couples out there waiting to be paired and have their dreams come true.

Surrogacy not in your future? Perhaps egg donation is more your speed. It’s another vital part of the process that could benefit many people. Click here for more information.


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Jess is a born and raised Iowan who has lived in Vinton for the past 10 years. She has two children, 10-year-old Landon and 4-year-old Fynnlee. Jess attended Kirkwood and UNI and now operates an in-home daycare. She considers herself an independent author and has self-published a few eBooks. She enjoys attending Landon’s sporting events, spending time with her family, as well as writing and reading in her free time.