To Have a Second Child or Not? That is the Question.

“We’re alright right now.”

That’s my answer when people ask me when the second one is coming. My husband and I would love to have more kids. Hopefully, it’ll happen someday. At this very moment though, we’re good.

To Have a Second Child or Not? That is the Question.

It’s something I think about quite often. When will we be ready to add another little one to our family? On the good days, when everything is going great and I’m acing this whole mom thing, sure send me another one! The tough days make me back off a bit and just deal with the now.

The truth is, I love our family of three. It’s perfect. I love that I can give my little girl ALL my time. I can give her my entire attention when we’re together. She has me after work, before work, and on weekends. It doesn’t feel like enough time, but at least she has it all to herself.

To Have a Second Child or Not? That is the Question.

She’s such a good kid and I’m afraid of what the next one will bring. Will he or she be a tough baby? Will the addition affect my girl’s personality? How will she cope with sharing attention? How will I cope with dividing my time? I feel like I would be cheating both of them: cutting her time off and not giving this new baby the same amount of care I was able to give my first born.

Nights are so easy right now. We’ve got our routine down and our toddler is asleep by 8 o’clock. It’s pretty daunting to think about the sleepless nights again, the rocking to sleep, the midnight feedings, the general lack of time. Quite frankly, I don’t want to be tired all the time again.

To Have a Second Child or Not? That is the Question.

While I loved being able to breastfeed my daughter, it was so much work. Am I ready to go back to pumping at work and the cleaning? ALL. THE. CLEANING. So much time is spent nursing, that I question how can I ever fit this in my life again. The constant vigilance of what I ate, how much water I drank, my milk production, state of mind. It’s a lot to handle. Once you know what to expect, it seems a bit harder to go for it.

Plus, the postpartum recovery. Partly due to breastfeeding, it took me a whole year to feel more like myself again. My recovery was slow, hormones we’re having a party inside me, my body felt foreign for a long time. Pregnancy was great, but the aftermath is no easy feat.

To Have a Second Child or Not? That is the Question.

How about money? It was a question, even before our first born. It’s more of a question now. After budgeting and finding our groove, we’re doing alright. Can we really give up that much more and squeeze our dollars to be able to afford daycare for two, food for two, clothes for two, and comfort for two?

Every so often I do think of how amazing it would be to go through everything again. There’s nothing like seeing your child grow and develop. Creating a relationship that is entirely your own is so magical in every way. I have no doubt I will love my second child with all my heart, just like I do my daughter. When that day will come, I’m not sure.

For now, we’re good.


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Paola, originally from Puerto Rico, came to Iowa to study at Iowa state University where Ryan, an Iowa native, won her heart and they’ve been married for five years. They now call Cedar Rapids home and work as landscape designers in North Liberty. They love watching their toddler, Olivia, grow and are excited to see her as a big sister in the Fall of 2019. Paola's hobbies include crafting, running, yoga, baking and anything handmade. She recently opened Pikosa Creations to share her creativity with the world. Her passions include family, kindness, desserts and vacations to the beach.