Coming to Terms with an Unplanned Pregnancy

I’m not excited for our third child. Or at least I wasn’t.

There it is. I said it, and it’s out there in the universe to be dissected and criticized.

This was not part of the plan. Not right now, not this soon. We are still in our starter home, my husband and I have actually discussed the horror of what it would be like paying for three children in daycare, and neither of us have a car that could comfortably fit three little nuggets at the moment. My mind started racing about what our 10-month-old will or won’t be doing by then. What will he still need me for? What can he do by himself? How soon can we get him out of diapers? Yes, I found myself wishing for him to do things FASTER, as if things already don’t go fast enough.

unplanned pregnancy 1

Then there’s the guilt. Our oldest had us to himself for 3 ½ years before another one came along. Now our second would get just 15 months before someone else stole his baby thunder. I also remember vividly the day we discovered we were pregnant with our first two:

We were elated. Tears of joy and excitement. Downloading pregnancy apps immediately and checking out every pregnancy website I could find. Circling dates in my planner including due date, half way date, announcement date etc.

To paint a picture of this one?

Fetal position crying on the floor. Frantically adding up daycare costs, looking up houses for sale and cars with a third seat, and redesigning our home in my head to make as much room as possible. In a nutshell, there were no celebratory dates circled in my planner.

Then came the worst guilt of all: the guilt that came after the dust had settled. What about this poor life growing inside of me? The one we weren’t excited for? The one that so many others, including close friends of mine, would give anything to have? All the reasons and excuses that were stealing away our excitement were silly or unreasonable. Money…space….guilt. But what we DO have is love. Goodness, I love being a Mom. And my husband loves being a Dad. And we love those tiny little people so much.

And then it was time to get over myself. Yes, having 3 under 5 will be difficult…but some people have three (or more) at one time, some have several, all of which are 15, 16, 17 months apart. There are amazing super women all around me that have way more on their plates than me. I can do this. Surprises happen. And sometimes the unplanned parts of life are the best parts.

 unplanned pregnancy 2

So we will get a bigger house, and we will get larger vehicles, and we will do yoga to keep our sanity. If you see me and I happen to be mumbling to myself, with three day old mismatched clothes on and bags under my eyes… I’ll have it more together than it looks. Or maybe I won’t.

And to this little one who thinks Mommy’s plans are silly–our little surprise who has made me a more panicked version of myself–we promise to love you so much. Just as much as the first two.

Have you faced an unplanned pregnancy? What was your experience?

Amanda is a planaholic, Cedar Rapidian who is a working wife and mother. She met her husband Nick while they were both playing college basketball at Upper Iowa University. They returned to Cedar Rapids after graduation and were married in 2010. They have 2 boys: Jimmer and Jordy, and a baby girl named Jerzy! Amanda is a Business Analyst with United Fire Group, where she has been since 2007. She enjoys all things sports, working out, performing in local theatre productions, and anything that involves her family and friends.

13 COMMENTS

  1. My third pregnancy was unplanned too. Number 1 & 2 ended up being 11 months 3 weeks apart. I, like you, cried for weeks after I found out. Two kids under 1 year apart seemed impossible. Now they are 3 & 2 years old. Its all a blur but i survived and i have a feeling you well too! Good luck! Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in those feelings!

      • Thank you for sharing Chelsea! It’s amazing what hearing stories like that does for my brain and my heart. And Irish Twins at that! You give me hope and encouragement 🙂

  2. I could have written this myself. We have the same story, boy 1 was 3 1/2 years older than boy 2, and when boy 2 was 11 months old I found out I was pregnant with our third.

    I cried. A lot. I even considered adoption for a half of a second. I was scared. I was angry that I had been careless.

    Then I was diagnosed with placenta accreta, and I began to fear for my life. At 35 weeks, our boy was born. And he was the most beautiful baby. We almost lost him a couple of times, but he fought, he survived, and he has me wrapped around his tiny fingers.

    To this day when I tell my husband how much I love our “little” he says “I thought you wanted to give him away…”

    These babies teach us more about life than we could ever teach them.

    • Love this Julia! And you are a fellow boy Mom too I see 🙂 We don’t know what this one is but as every week goes by I realize maybe this was exactly what we needed. Definitely have come a long way since week 6 that’s for sure. Thank you so much for sharing…it really is comforting knowing others have been through and felt like we did. 🙂

  3. Thanks for sharing your story! We are done with 2 girls and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times when I wish I had a third on the horizon, especially now that my youngest is turning 2 this summer. The way I see it, you will never regret it – and I’m sure you won’t be able to imagine your life without him or her! I’m excited to see if you’ll have another boy! Best wishes.

  4. I have enjoyed reading your blog so much Amanda ? My husband and I are starting for baby #3 in the winter and I find myself terrified! That will be 3 under 5 and the thought that we will be outnumbered scares the crap out of me ?

  5. Our story is exactly the same except we have 3 girls! I cried for 3 days and had all the same guilt. Plus the how can I work ft with 3 littles guilt. IT was a challenge going from 3.5 years between 1 and 2 to only 2 years between 2 and 3 but the love they both have for #3 warms my heart every day. You will make the most delicious lemonade out of this cure lemon!

  6. I have a friend who had Irish triplets: a set of twins followed immediately by another. It was rough. It was hectic. Being a stay at home mom was the obvious response to daycare costs. But, she and her husband survived and now have a house full of elementary students.

  7. Don’t buy a bigger house! Just more to clean and more to pay for!
    It is so easy to live “smaller” when they are small and you need to always be on top of each other so you know what is going on. Get a larger house when they are teens. That’s when you will appreciate the space and they can help clean it. Plus, you’ll have time to save for it and build equity.

  8. My first was unplanned. I was a year out of college, no money, and my then fiancé now husband was just starting medical school which is EXPENSIVE. We cried, yelled, wallowed. We got over it and completely embraced my pregnancy. That baby ended up being the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. Babies come when they are supposed to! It will be a ton of work but they will be buddies and all entertain each other in a few years. I abandoned trying to afford day care long ago haha. I figured out a way to work from home and it’s something I’m passionate about that I would not have found if it wasn’t for my babies. My second baby’s birthday is your due date too! 🙂

  9. I totally understand the feelings and the crying on the bathroom floor. A friend of mine who had been through it before told me I had nine months to feel unexcited and frustrated any everything else and at the end of that time I was going to love my baby like crazy the second he got here. I let myself feel that way and she was dead on right.

  10. This was to a tee our situation. A 3 year old, an 8 month old, and a positive pregnancy test. We were scared to death and I couldn’t get excited because I was so scared. We knew we wanted another one, just not so quickly. 4 weeks later I found out that little one had no heartbeat, and I sank into a whole new level of mourning for the loss of the precious life inside of me. If I could go back in time, if somehow it would have made a difference, I would have celebrated that positive pregnancy test and let go of the fear of having littles so close together. You can do it, and I wish now that I was in your situation. 🙂 Celebrate-you are truly blessed. Thanks for sharing.

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