“Mommy, come sit next to me”
“One second, baby girl.”
“Mommy, can we paint?”
“Not right now, I need to make dinner.”
“Can we go outside?”
“Hold on baby. I just need one more minute.”
“Mommy, can we snuggle”
“I’m so sorry, baby, just hold on. I need to finish something.”
How many times do I say this? Just hold on, I need one more minute. I’m trying to get dinner ready, throwing in a load of laundry, or even just taking one minute to pee or let the dog out.
Just hold on. I don’t have time right now.
One night I said “I’m the worst mother ever” out loud after my daughter asked if we could snuggle, and I had to tell her to just hold on one minute so I could finish something. My husband heard me and instantly scolded me.
“You are not a terrible mother. Don’t tell yourself that. Have you ever thought maybe she is asking too much of you?”
It’s true. She’s three and she does ask for and expect a lot; she doesn’t know any different. But I worry about what she’s absorbing from always feeling like I don’t have time for her.
I read posts all the time about enjoying those moments. Instead of having a clean house or having a hot meal, stop and take the opportunity to spend time together. And you know what? Sometimes I do that, but that’s not always realistic.
I can’t just stop what I’m doing whenever she asks me to. One, because I have other people depending on me, and two, because what does that teach her? It’s important for us all to learn that we are not the sole purpose of other people’s lives. Not being priority number one is okay, and it doesn’t mean I don’t love those people who have to wait for me.
But it also doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me to have to say this to her.
This made me really think about time, and how fast it’s going. Then, I saw this quote:
“Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you’ll never get the same moment twice.” – Anonymous
Sometimes I see fate step in a little bit and put things in my life right when I need it. It really hits me hard as a Mom. Although some days I don’t feel like I have enough time to give, I look over the years and see time moving so fast.
I’ve been struggling lately realizing that time is just a fleeting moment and there is absolutely nothing I can do to slow it down or make it stop. (Yes, I have control issues but that is an entirely different post.) My baby girl is 3. My grandparents are in their eighties. We are planning a trip for my Mom’s sixtieth in a few years. Heck, I’m 30! <GASP>
It makes me really, really sad. Sad enough that when I think about it, I could cry. I love life. Don’t you?
I’m telling time to just hold on one more minute. I need more time.
Then I try to chug through every day to get to the weekend. Or push through those two hours before bedtime so that I can just sit on the couch. Or I’m even living for the next vacation.
Will it always be this way?
Will I always be waiting for life to happen instead of making life happen in every experience?
Will I be able to absorb it all in and remember these days when they are missed?
Time, just hold on. One more minute.
Trying to juggle a full-time job, living healthy, being a wife, keeping three kids alive and happy, and maintaining who I am as a person is so overwhelming. My day starts at 5:00 AM and I don’t get a break until 7:30 PM when I put our youngest to bed. That’s 14 hours of work, people. It is so. hard.
I really don’t have tips or tricks for you this post. I just hope someone else reads this and knows that you aren’t alone. This may be the hardest, yet fullest time of our life. Try to remember not to wish it away, and find joy in every moment. I know that these moments are worth it and try to remain optimistic in my life and ability to absorb it all.
I wish I would have known the lasts before they happened.
Just hold on, Time. One more minute, I have a life to live.
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