As we pass the halfway mark of 2020, I want to kiss this year goodbye! Anyone else?
A phrase I’ve heard as long as I can remember is “God only gives us what we can handle.” It leaves us trusting this invisible force that determines what our capacity for pain and suffering is. And, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say it has often brought me peace when I’ve realized I can’t actually control the chaos around me.
But there was a much bigger understanding of my strength and what it means to be strong as the world both sped up and simultaneously slowed down during the recent restrictions and changes due to COVID-19.
During the last two months:
- I said goodbye to my partner and step-kids in Iowa knowing I wouldn’t see them for a couple months while sheltering from home in Denver, sharing custody of my children.
- I got back to Denver to find a restraining order against me and I went 3 weeks without my kids, the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing one another.
- All my public speaking and teaching jobs were canceled and postponed.
- I finally got my kids back and began to homeschool them while taking on more social media clients to make up for my lost income.
- AND, I moved to a new part-time home near Denver so I could better support my kids with the new homeschool requirements.
I AM SO TIRED! And a little numb! And from what I hear, you all feel that too! But we are still standing strong! (Ok, it might be more of a “hunched over.”)
We aren’t JUST dealing with COVID-19, are we?
We are still mothers, lovers, friends, coworkers, and those inner children crying out for love and safety. And in all those roles there are the demands on us. We are contending with the suffering of those closest to us, the hurt others project towards us, and the hundreds of other factors making this time intense.
But in this intensity, which normally feels fast and furious, there is instead a clarity and stillness. There is a deep knowing that there are big changes occurring in the world as a whole and it’s time to let go, make space, mentally prepare, and take inventory of what really matters.
Here’s the beauty of this time:
The mindset and anxiety tools I’ve honed over the last 6 years are serving me well. I’ve been validated in their effectiveness and I can physically see how much I’ve mentally healed through my response to new stress and trauma.
I’ve detached from physical assets and belongings. I feel free. Like, SUPA’ FREE! Nothing else matters except the safety of those I love. The joy I feel being able to connect with and focus on them is satisfying in a way I may not be able to communicate in words. Why can I do this?
Because I’ve also found my inner strength.
Not the regular “you are such a strong person” kind of strength, but the kind that comes through boundaries and self-love. The kind of strength that is defined by your unwillingness to be bullied and beaten in attempts to please others and keep the peace. It’s the kind of strength that comes from recognizing the clarity of how the energies of love and hate impact us in every way.
It’s time to let go of the hurts that kept us from living satisfying lives, to give ourselves the love we so willingly give to everyone else, and to trust that tried and true pace of nature that shows us we can trust life and everything works out.
Every day, spend time with yourself. Look in the mirror. Say loving things to yourself, out loud! Expect your kids to tell you you are weird, THEN, watch as they begin to love themselves more too! It’s almost like magic! (But really it’s just those mirror neurons.)
Remember, momma, I love you. You are worthy of love and respect. You are beautiful. Your body is amazing. You are kind and smart. And the world is a better place with you in it! Most importantly, you are powerful.