New year, new me…right? I have decided to kick off 2017 with openness and raw emotion, hoping to bring some clarity to the table of why I am the way that I am. During a recent conversation with my husband, he bluntly pointed out that I’m constantly comparing our life to those of others, feeding a need for reassurance that ours is “enough”…the others being my friends on social media. (Clarification, most of these humans are also friends in real life, I’m not one to befriend randoms on the ‘book).
Truth be told, I spend far too much time on social media, and not nearly enough being present in my own life. I have a constant need for reassurance through likes, comments, shares…whatever we do now on the various sites. At this point, I’m really hoping that someone can relate and I’m not coming off as the crazy lady.
If I am, so be it.
The one that is the most ridiculous and disappointing, was doubting myself in my career. I had spent the better part of six years working in the salon industry. I worked hard to build up my clientele and expand my education to give the clients what they asked for. When we moved to Cedar Rapids, I suddenly lost all confidence in my work. I gave up on my dreams. After comparing myself to my peers, I decided that I wasn’t cut out for that career and threw in the towel.
This was all over pictures on Facebook. Pictures that I know for a fact were take in the best lighting. They would place the waves of hair in the perfect spot and capture an image that could look totally different in real life. I also know that my clientele was different than theirs, but still allowed myself to surrender in a battle that was non-existent. Pathetic? I know.
It has come from other directions too. Such as when I was big into running. I ran two half-marathons! But then, I’d see a post from an acquaintance that they ran the same race but 20 minutes faster. I literally gave up my running passion because of a damn social media post. One that I sought out, knowing all too well what I would find.
I’ve doubted my parenting, my relationships, body shape, education, etc. All of it. I have completely lost who I am as a person and have grown to rely solely on the opinion and reassurance of others.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I have decided that 2017 will be the year I break up with my need for reassurance. Maybe it’s the new year speaking or the onset of thirty, but I am sick and tired of doubting myself and my happiness. I have missed out on far too much and lost an excessive amount of self-esteem due to things that other people know nothing about.
As a woman and especially as a mother, I owe it to myself and my children to find the confident girl buried deep inside. It is time to let her shine.
The great news is, I don’t want anyone else’s life. When it comes down to it, we all have our good days, the bad ones, and the really-freaking-amazing ones that we want to share with the world. It’s time that I realize this. I’ll share in the joy of others, but also pat myself on the back for being a great human as well.
Social media isn’t going anywhere, so it is time, that I put on my big girl pants. Time to embrace the life I have been given and spend a little more time in reality, instead of glued to my iPhone screen. (Not to worry, I’ll still be perusing the ‘book when time permits.)
Here’s to a confident, no-assurance-needed 2017!
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