I recently went back to work after having my second daughter. I’m currently nursing her, so going back meant dragging out the dreaded breast pump to use several times a day. Anyone who has used this device (which makes you feel like a cow being milked) knows the angst I feel when three hours have passed at work and it’s time for the black bag to be pulled out again.
When pumping during my nursing journey with my first daughter, I swore my breast pump “talked” to me. Various phrases and words would be said through the loud motor during my 20 minute sessions. I thought I was going crazy or suffering from extreme sleep deprivation, but then I started talking with other pumping moms.
It turns out that I’m not alone in having a pump that spits back words to me. Below are some things I’ve heard or other Cedar Rapids Moms Blog writers have heard from their pump, as well as some of the thoughts I have back to it:
Beware: the little black bag can get mean!
“Feed me. Feed me. Feed me.” – It must know a nursing mom is always hungry!
“Raccoon. Raccoon. Raccoon.” – I guess they are nocturnal like new moms, so this kind of makes sense!
“Fat girl. Fat girl. Fat girl.” – Thanks a lot pump! If our self-esteem wasn’t already low for just having a baby!
“Packers. Packers. Packers.” – I don’t even like the Packers!
“Rapper. Rapper. Rapper.” – I always wanted to be a rapper in another life!
“Listen. Listen. Listen.” – Listen to what?! This pump constantly taunting me?
“Right now. Right now. Right now.” – Right now I would like to be doing anything but pumping!
“Rachet. Rachet. Rachet.” – Has my pump been reading the urban dictionary?!
“Let go. Let go. Let go.” – Does my pump think that I’m Elsa from Frozen?!
“What now? What now? What now?” – That’s what I’m trying to figure out, too!
“Go home. Go home. Go home.” – I wish I could, but I’m stuck at work, hooked up to a machine and reminded that I’m away from my baby.
“One minute. One minute. One minute.” — Why are you telling me one minute?
“Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.” — I’d love to stop pumping, but my baby needs food!
“Broccoli. Broccoli. Broccoli.” — Geez pump, don’t you know this gives my baby gas?!